Never Look Back
by StoppedaTraffic-Light
Summary: After senior year, Amy left Everwood without a word. Now she returns six years later to see Ephram and tell him something she should have never hidden.
1. Default Chapter

**Never Look Back**

By StoppedaTrafficLight

Amy stood in front of the familiar train station in front her, the very building where so much had happened, the place where her father and Dr. Brown ran a practice for so long, and the place where he died. Her heart was immediately filled with sadness at the thought. Another memory flashed before her eyes, her and Ephram. The sadness turned softer and a scene played over and over in her head. Senior year. What I wouldn't give to be back then, Amy thought silently to herself. That year had been one of the hardest of her live, first her and Ephram finally getting together, then the whole Madison pregnancy, followed by a breakup, and then a revelation that Madison wasn't as faithful as Ephram thought.

Then of course the inevitable day at the bus station. She remembered waiting with her bag, hoping he'd show up. She had told him the time and date of her departure hoping he'd try to stop her, suffice to say it didn't happen. Amy had boarded the bus without a hug or bye from anyone, and used all her self control to not turn around and watch Everwood disappear behind her.

Senior year had been one of the best of her life, and also the worst. The whole year had been filled with every feeling. There were moments of utter happiness, but for every blissful moment, there were four of her sobbing in her room. Despite all the heartbreak and drama that occupied the year, Amy didn't regret any of it. If it hadn't all happened, then there was no was telling where she would have ended up. She knew for sure one element would be missing from her life, one at a certain time she thought was biggest mistake.

"Mommy?"

Amy turned and looked at the five year old little blonde girl standing beside her.

"Yes, sweetie?" She asked her.

"What's wrong? You look sad." The little girls face filled with concern, the same face that reminded Amy so much of the girls father.

"Nothings wrong Jules. I'm just looking." She answered.

Jules immediately started looking around her, then turned back to her mother. "At what?"

Amy took a deep breath and turned to face the mountains and the small town around her. "My home."

* * *

"God damn it dad! This is exactly why I don't come around more. It's just like being sixteen all over again! I've grown up, I'm not a kid, and I don't have to listen you anymore!" 

With that Ephram Brown left his dad standing in the front hall and slammed the front door. He started towards his car, but quickly realized that was not an option. A fresh layer of snow had fallen during the night, leaving the car buried in a mound up to the bumper. He was gonna rope Jared into coming out and shoveling it with him this morning. That is if he could get the boy to remove his tongue from his sisters throat for two seconds. Every time he came back to his old home, he was reminded of how grown up Delia really was. Yesterday he had come home to see them making out on the couch. For a brief moment he actually had sympathy for his dad and the hell he must have put him through when he had been a teenager, 'especially that last year' he thought to himself.

Once again, thinking of senior year only made his heart ache once more for the girl that ran away from him all those years ago. He decided to just walk for a while and blow of steam. He pulled his black coat tighter to him as he walked along the sidewalk to town and thought again of Amy. Even after five years Amy still had the same effect on him. Any thought of her sent the familiar pain through his chest, the pain of remembering all he put her through, and then telling himself that she deserved better than him. This of course led to thoughts and images of Amy with another guy, and that just renewed the feeling in his heart.

He continued to walk along the sidewalk, seeing all the familiar sites around him. Sometimes he actually started to regret leaving Everwood, and the comfort of the familiar surroundings that would never change. In the past years he had learned to hate change, cause with change came pain. It was the one thing he really loved about Everwood, the fact that it never_ would _change. He stopped when he saw the train station where his father used to run his practice for all those years, first alone, then with Dr. Abbott.

"Abbott" he whispered the words into the cold air. He couldn't believe what he saw, or thought he saw. He thought he was at least moving on from the hallucination stage after all these years, but apparently not. They were still there. His mind continued to play tricks on him as he saw what he figured his head thought Amy would look like after five yr. away. The hallucination stood on the street corner across from him. Next to her was a young girl that couldn't be more than four or five at the most. They stood quietly, Amy stared straight ahead and the little girl looked up at her curiously.

Ephram shook his head, trying to wake up. He was starting to realize that there was a large possibility that it was no hallucination on the corner. He started to take a step toward when he heard the girl talk.

"Mommy?" Ephram stopped dead in his tracks. He tried to breathe but his lungs refused to operate. The mental images of another man with Amy now seemed so much worse. Before, he could trick himself with lies, she became a nun, she's a lesbian, and the one he secretly hoped for in his heart.... that she still wasn't over him.

* * *

Amy took one more deep breathe before continuing to walk towards the mountains, the old train station getting farther and farther away. For some reason she had the overwhelming urge to turn around, but she didn't. Ever since the day she left Everwood she didn't turn back. That day she had made a promise to herself, she wouldn't regret her past or dwell on it. She had been successful most of the time, but sometimes she'd look at Jules and she'd forget all about the promise to herself. Jules was her constant silver lining, reminding her that all things you think are bad at first don't always end up like you think. 

Every time Jules got mad, or smiled her sly smirk, she was reminded of the guy she used to love. Jules had so much of her father in her, it almost scared Amy when she

thought about it. She had his dimples, and his deep blue eyes. Sometimes when she

watched Jules sleep, she'd stare into those eyes and, they'd transport her to a different

time and she'd be caught up in her past all over again.

Amy gripped Jules's hand tighter, and realized that she had been walking so fast she almost left her behind. She stopped and kneeled down and kissed her daughters cheek, securing the zipper on Jules's jacket, and wrapping the scarf around her tighter.

"Mom, I've got way to many clothes on, I feel like an Eskimo. Why can't we go back to New York, it's cold here," Jules whined as she sniffed her runny nose.

"Well my little Eskimo, have you forgotten that's it's cold in New York too?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't snow there, and we don't have to walk that far."

Amy stood up again and started walking, slower this time. "It's snows in New York,

Jul, the big plows just push it away before we see it."

"Why don't they do that here? It's hard to walk through. Why we can't we take the subway?" Amy laughed as her daughter tried to pull her leg along, noticing the snow was half way to her knees now that they weren't on a sidewalk or road. She bent down and scooped Jules up in her arms and carried her.

"I don't know Jul. Maybe we should make a meeting with mayor and talk to her about it," Amy said thinking of her mother.

* * *

Ephram still hadn't moved from his position. His eyes were still locked on Amy and the little girl, that was apparently her daughter. Amy had bent down and kissed the girl, and zipped her coat tighter. Then she smiled. Even far away like that, Amy's smile could send him into a gooey feeling. She had wrapped a scarf around the little girl, and Ephram thought she kind of looked like one of those Alaskan Eskimo people that wear all the layers of clothing. 

Amy reached out her index finger and hesitated a brief moment before pushing the door bell. She heard movement inside, and the clunkiness of it told her it wasn't her mother. She heard the lock move, and the door opened. Bright stood in the doorway, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah?" He asked, trying to not sound to pissed off at who ever disrupted his sleep.

"Bright." Bright froze, his hand still on his eye. He knew the voice, but it couldn't be. It couldn't. He slowly opened his eyes, and didn't believe what he saw.

"Amy?" She smiled. "What... where?... is everything... what's..." He let his voice trail off. He hadn't seen his sister in six years now she was standing on the front step of their old house.

"I'm sorry to just stop by. I.... I didn't know if I should call... I wanted to talk... I-I mean, I didn't think I could say... what I need to on- on the phone." She mumbled, trying to get her words straight.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, suddenly afraid of what she meant. She nodded and was about to speak when she was cut off by a small girl that Bright just noticed was standing there.

"Uh- sorry to interrupt, but do you have a bathroom I can use?" she looked at Amy, then back at Bright, "please?" she added.

"Uh- yeah, come on in." He spoke slowly and backed up holding the door open. Her and Amy both came in, and he pointed to the door in the next hall. "It's right there, help yourself." He turned to Amy. "Who the hell is that?"

Amy hesitated. "Can we sit down?" A warning bell went off in Bright's head. He mumbled an answer, and they walked into the next room, and sat down.

"Just say it Amy."

"Well, her name's Jules."

"And..." Bright waited for her to finish, she hesitated and took a deep breath.

"She's my daughter."

* * *

Ephram turned left on Church St, and headed down the road. He had watched Amy's back for five minutes, frozen in place. Then she turned on another street, and he had starting running after her, while keeping his distance. As soon as he turned on the street he knew where she was headed, to the Abbott house. He came around the corner and saw her and the young blonde on the front steps of the old house, Bright standing in the doorway, looking weirder than usual. 

Ephram had seen his old friend the day he had gotten in, he always did. Him and Bright kept in touch, talking occasionally, every time he came back to town, he always made a point to stop and see him, and catch up.

Now after an obviously confusing conversation with Bright,_ then again everything confused Bright_, Ephram thought to himself, the three headed inside and the door shut behind them.

* * *

Bright had barely shut his eyes when the doorbell rang again. He sighed loudly, and swung his legs around off the couch. After the very.. Surprising conversation with Amy, the last thing he wanted was his buddies coming over drunk. 

He opened the door, dreading having to explain the need to stay sober one night to his stupid friends, but he was surprised at who he saw standing there. Ephram.

"Hey..." Bright spoke slowly, confused again. "I thought you already stopped by early this week. Do you need-" He didn't get to finish his sentence because he was cut off by Ephram.

"I need to talk to you." He pushed his way past Bright and when into the living room, in the same exact spot Amy had been ten minutes ago. _Oh, shit_, Bright thought to himself, debating about how he should or shouldn't mention Amy. Not that he had to for long.

"What's Amy doing here? Is she moving back? Have you stayed in touch with her all this time? Why is she back? and whose the kid?" He started rolling off questions the speed of light, this time Bright was the one to interrupt.

"Whoa! Hold up. Wait just a minute. How do you know about Amy? I just found out ten minutes ago. Did you talk to her?"

"God no! I saw her on the street. At first I thought I was hallucinating again," Bright chose not to inquire about the 'again'. "Then I realized it was her, by the time I even got up the courage to take one step, I freaked out when I heard that little girl...call her mommy." Ephram looked up from the carpet and put his head in his hands.

"Look Bright, just tell me what's going on. I'm freaking out ok? I come back for a visit and see the girl I loved, after I haven't see or heard from her for six years." He paused. "Just tell me, I know the kid's hers." He paused again, then spoke slowly. "Is she married or something?"

Bright took a deep breath and looked Ephram in the eye. Ephram just stared back, acknowledging that he wanted the truth straight forward.

"The girls hers... and yours.... She's your daughter."

* * *

Hey everybody, thanks for reading. Please take the time to do a quick review, believe it or not it really helps me turn out chapters faster. One thing I hate about fan fic is people taking forever to update so ill try to update this week. Thanks!


	2. Ch 2: You See What You Want to See

**Never Look Back By StoppedaTrafficLight**

_Ch. 2: You See What You Want To See_

Ephram continued to walk down the familiar Everwood streets in a daze. He felt like he was having one of his surreal dreams, but this one... way more surreal. After Bright had said those words, he had solemnly gotten up and walked out the door without saying a word. He ignored Bright who had followed him to the door, muttering something or other about Amy trying to telling him this week.

No matter how he tried, he couldn't get his mind around it. She just leaves after all that happened, leaving him a note with no more than ten words on it. The day came back to Ephram as it always did. The day played in his head like an old movie, flickering and unfocused. The back of the bus going down the road, seeing Amys blonde hair in the last row through the open windows.... chasing after it for eight blocks and yelling her name, the loud rumbling engine to loud for her to hear.... and the sight of as it turned the corner and realizing she was gone from him forever.

Now she shows up after six years... _six years_.... with a child.._ his_ child. The thought briefly crossed his mind, that.. _Jules_.. might not be his, but he quickly dismissed it. Thoughts like that always seemed to enter his mind, ever since Madison. His heart quickly hardened at the thought. She had been his first real relationship, first love, as well as some other firsts too. Then after all they had been though, she had lied to him and put him, and Amy, through living hell for six months.

Ephram had no idea what he was gonna do or where he we was going, when his thoughts were suddenly silenced. He stared into the eyes before him, seeing Amy up close again after all these years.

* * *

Amy froze, she couldn't speak. She knew this moment would come eventually, it was one of the reasons she came back this week, during the holidays when she knew he'd be here, but even all of this left her unprepared for rounding a corner and running smack into him. She stared, he stared, and Jules just looked at both of them.

"Mommy?" Amy's heart stopped. She tried to swallow the mound in her throat. Without taking her eyes of Ephram she answered her daughter.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Whose he?" Amy paused. She wanted to say 'he's your dad' but resisted the urge. Despite the look of fear on Ephram's face, his jaw wasn't dropped and he didn't even looked surprised. Amy turned and bent down to look Jules in the eye. She fidgeted with the little girl's coat as she spoke, trying to not appear as nervous as she really was.

"He's an old friend of mommy's. Why don't you go across the street and play on the playground?" Amy tried her best to smile, hoping it appeared more cheerful then she actually felt.

"But you never let me cross the street by myself." Jules stated to Amy.

"That's in New York. You can in Everwood... when I tell you to," she added quickly.

Jules paused and looked confused but in the end just shook her head and walked to the curb, checking both ways like she was taught.

Amy waited until the small girl was safely in the sandbox until she turned around and faced him again. Her mouth opened and she took a deep breath but closed it again, and looked down at her shoes. He could tell it was hard for her, but that sure as hell didn't mean he was gonna make it any easier. All of a sudden Amy whirled around,

"Put your hat back on Jules!!" Ephram looked at the little girl, and sure enough, Amy had been right, the little girl had just pulled the hat off and was trying to dispose of it by burying it in the sandbox. He started to laugh, but caught himself before his smile appeared.

"So... Hi... I guess, um... do you think maybe we could a j-just sit and may-maybe talk for a minute?" Amy asked, still staring at the beat up Keds on her feet.

Ephram hesitated. "Yeah," he said simply. They crossed the street slowly and sat at a table and two chairs that had been set up to play chess on. They sat across from each other about twenty feet from Jules, who was now hanging on a set of monkey bars."

"So, I guess you're surprised to see me... and Jules... Sorry about running in to you." She finally looked up at him.

"It's okay." His eyes remained cold when he looked at her. She shouldn't have been surprised by his attitude, after what she'd done. She tried to think about how she should tell him about Jules, but didn't know how. _Just come out and say it, there's no other __way_, she thought to herself.

"So I guess your wondering who Jule's da-"

"Not really." Ephram cut her off and shook his head, raising his eyebrows. "Bright did a pretty good job of filling me in." He shrugged, and Amy recognized his attitude. It all came flowing back to her, he hadn't changed, even after six years.

"What did Bright tell you?" She should have known Bright would have told him, they had been close those last two years, figures they would stay that way, him being Ephram.

Ephram spoke quietly and less harsh, but he still stared right at her. "That she's mine."

Amy nodded and refocused on her hands. She didn't know what to say, so just nodded and picked at her gloves. He sighed and shook his head, leaning back in the chair and finally breaking his death stare.

"Damn it Amy!" His voice was low but filled with anger. "How could you not tell me you were pregnant. You leave without a word, and show up six years later and tell me I have a kid! Do you realize how seriously fucke-"

This time is was Amy who cut _him_ off. "I didn't know I was pregnant when I left!" She paused and avoided his eyes for a moment. "I found out a couple of weeks later," she tried to look him in the eye but he just looked away and shook his head. "I was barely even eighteen, I didn't know what I needed to do."

"You _needed_ to come home... To tell me. You know I would have been there for you, I would have helped... I _loved _you Amy, I would have done anything for you." He shook his head and turned away from her, before looking her in the eye again. "_You're_ the one who ran.. with my child I might add, I had no say in the matter. I had no choice. You did."

"Ephram....." She started but didn't know what to say._ I loved you too_, she thought but knew she couldn't say it. "I..."

"I need to go." He started to walk away but she stopped by the arm.

"Ephram." He turned to face her, but didn't meet her eyes. "I'm sorry." He looked up and locked eyes with her.

"Me too."

* * *

Ephram slowly walked into the Brown house. Once again he was faced with a mental images he didn't need from Delia and Jason, who were joined at the mouth on the couch. 

"Don't forget to breathe." He mumbled sourly as he passed them. He remembered what if felt like to be like that. In fact she's 16, the same age he was when he met Amy, and _that turned out so good_, he thought to himself. Sometimes he was scared for his sister, that she'd end up like Madison.. _or Amy_, he silently added, that Delia would end up pregnant before she graduated. He knew she was way smarter than him at her age,_ hell she's smarter than I am now_, he thought. He opened the fridge and drank some milk out of the carton. He just hoped she was smart enough.

* * *

For the second time today she hesitated before pushing a doorbell at a familiar house she hadn't seen in ages. She glanced down at Jules. 

"Best behavior okay?" Jules nodded. "Promise?" The little girl raised her pinky and Amy shook with her own. Just then Dr. Brown opened the door, finding the two joined by pinkies.

Amy quickly let go and turned her focus to the doctor.

"Uh.. Dr. Brown?"

"Oh my god." So he did recognize her, she was beginning to wonder. "Amy?... Is that you?" He starred in disbelief at her, barely noticing Jules, much like Bright had.

"Yeah," she tried to smile. "It's me."

"Wow," the man blinked and Amy noticed how much older he looked that he had six years ago. "I haven't seen you since..." He let his voice trail off.

"Yeah." She gave an uneasy smile. "Since senior year."

He nodded in understanding. "So-"

"What am I doing here?" She finished for him.

He smiled "Yeah, are you in town for the holidays.. to see your parents?" He guessed.

"Partly." She paused and tried to straighten out the thoughts in her head. She looked bak down at Jules, and kneeled so they were eye to eye. "Honey... why don't you go sit in Uncle Brights car, okay? I need to talk grown up talk." She smiled at Jules, trying to appear cheerful for her daughter. Jules hesitated, and looked up at Dr. Brown, then back and Amy.

"Okay mommy." She turned around and walked down the steps. Amy made sure she was in the car and had the doors locked before she turned back to Dr. Brown.

"Mommy?" He asked. "Are you..."

"No." She answered quickly. "I'm not married, or engaged, not with her father. Um... do you think maybe we could talk? I promise it won't take long. I just need a minute. I can come back later if that would be better." She knew she was babbling but she couldn't help it.

"Amy, calm down. It's fine, why don't you come in?" He stood back, so she could enter through the door.

"Actually, do you think maybe we could just sit out here," she asked hopefully gesturing towards the chairs. "I don't wanna.."

Dr. Brown nodded and understood that she didn't want to run into Ephram. He grabbed his coat from a nearby hook and slipped it on as he walked over and sat down next to her.

"What's wrong Amy?" Dr. Brown asked concerned.

"Nothing, everything is fine, well fine enough... Nothing serious." She paused and spoke lower. "I just need to tell you something and I don't know how."

"Amy just say it, it can't be that bad." She could tell he was worried by the look on her face.

"Her name's Jules." Dr. Brown paused, waiting for something more. "Brown. Jules Brown."

* * *

Hope you like it. Please review and feel free to tell me how you think it should go. I'm known for getting cases of writing block and your reviews really help!


End file.
